“I AM AN INCEST SURVIVOR. When I was growing up I was a battered child, an abused child. And so that made me very angry on the inside. . . By the time I was twenty-seven I started using drugs. . . It gave me this really euphoric feeling and I didn’t have any memories or bad thoughts and I could smile and I was OK and the world was OK and life was OK. . .

When I was thirty-two I went to NA (Narcotics Anonymous). It wasn’t easy. I kept relapsing. But I have been clean for three and a half years.

I found out I was positive five years ago. . . One of the things that I would really want people to know, I was never a promiscuous person. Never, ever a promiscuous person. The way I got HIV is that I would have sex with this guy and he would give me drugs. And that was the only person I was sexually involved with. But we used two condoms. I thought that was extra safe. What I found out is that two condoms together serve as friction against each other, and that makes them tear faster. Just the opposite from being extra safe.

I take twelve different medications. When you are HIV positive, you take on another job looking after your medications. I used to do computer repair. That job ain’t nothing compared to being HIV positive and trying to take your medications when you are supposed to take them.

I’ve had a fiancé person for five years. He is my support. And then Social Services Department is there when I have problems. . . The thing is I have never been a pitiful person. I have never had to ask people to help with my daily functions, to help feed or clothe my family or to take care of me. It bothers me to no avail, this HIV, because I often need help. I’m a control freak and when I am sick I can control nothing.

For my own kids I do encourage education. With your education you don’t have to look at that pretty little car in the magazine. If you go to school and get a job, you can buy that pretty little car.

I don ’t dream for myself. . . I want to be there to show my children the importance of education, to teach them African American history, and to let them know the meaning behind the word ‘no.’ I want to be there to give my seven-year-old self-confidence, to teach her to love herself. I want to be near my fiancé person I love one day at a time.”